Jumbled tots

Went running AHM in morning.
Sweat in the sun.
Shagged out.
Met a lot ( realli a lot... ) of frens there.
Chatted out a bit.
Shiok.

Went classmates place in the evening
Still tired.
Din feel like interacting, just wan to put myself to sleep mode.
One of them I havent met for ages.
Felt so good talking to him.

Wondering now why it is so much better talking to NS acquaintances den my very own classmates.
Somehow I felt more comfortable.
Maybe I was just tired in the evening.
Or maybe they arent realli the type of people I enjoy toking to.

Not onli girls, but even the guys.. especially the university guys.
Somehow they seem to tok all about uni life, somehow I seemed so distant from them, somehow they seem so superficial, hypocritical, somehow they changed so much, n me, still the same old me.

The same Jay chou, the same vulgarities, the same devil-may-care and unserious attitude somehow became unbearable. I oredi had enuff in camp pretending to show respect to officers who i condemn secretly. I wanted to show my true self to pple whom ive known for 2 yrs, to pple i think will accept me as who i am n not who they want to perceive me as.

I can be the type of pple they want to c... but, wats the point? Its so... unreal... They openly condemn one of my classmate, which i dare say, is a better fren to me den a lot of them. Maybe he realli got a lot of bad points, but a nagging feeling at the back of my head told me dat they did that to gain approval of others, to be accepted by peers, to be regarded as a 'normal', not an outcast.

For wat? popularity? Approval? at the expense of sensitivity? I would rather behave otherwise n be a pariah den to act in a way dat would not be the real me. Y shud i behave to gain approval purposely? the guy they approve of would not be the real me anyway.

Dats me, the guy with few, but close frens.
Pardon this post... It is quite messy, i knoe.