2005

2005 is a year of transition.

It marks the end of the green era. No more bunks, cookhouse, turnouts. Welcome books, lecturers and muggers.

A refreshing change? Maybe. I don't really know how im thinking now. I'm confused, as with all major changes in my life. People come and go in my life. People who were once important were now mere acquaintances. People who were once just acquaintances become indispensable in my life. It makes me wonder, how fickle humans really are. Everlasting relationships. The "We will always be best friends, I will never forget you" that we used to scribble so fondly on pri school guestbooks last time. A possible reality? Maybe but I'm skeptical.

Those who I spend late nights talking to, who i bare my heart to, where are you now? A part of me wants to find out, to get into your life again, to rediscover the beautiful memories we shared. But maybe the reason why memories are so precious is perhaps it is so hard to relive it. The wheel turns, as I'm fond of saying. Everyone moves on. A part of me resist the reunion. The inertia, the awkwardness, the weirdness. I want to, but somehow i cannot convince myself to do it. So if you cherish me, please take the initiative, Im ahgua.

If I say i loved army, maybe a quarter will laugh, a third will say i crazy and half will say i am lying. But I'm not. I'm serious. I may have said it countless time before, but really i left army with a tinge of sadness. As when i leave every place for the next, I lose friends. Maybe it is my fault, i cannot be bothered to keep in contact with most of them except a bare few. But u cannot blame me. Im a weird person. I want to call you, but i kept thinking, you must be busy with your own life, just as I am with mine. It is a mental barrier that sadly, up till this day, i cannot overcome. Absence makes the heart grows fonder? my foot. It only makes me wonder, wonder who's the idiot that say that.

That's partly why i hate school. I see you in school yet i don't talk to you much. The depth at which we used to converse at has now become shallower and superficial. It's so weird when i talk to you. This is partly why, i strongly believe lovers can never be friends again. Where we once are comfortable to share anything under the sun, how can you just be content with saying Hi and Bye? Once close classmates, now cannot even conjure up words to last a 20 minutes bus ride?

People have said Im dao. Maybe it is because I don;t want to know you. At least I can talk to strangers. But i can't talk to a friend-turned acquaintance. If so, i rather you not be my friend at all, honestly. Pessimistic, cynical? Yes, I know i am.

Because of all these. 2005 is a thinking year for me. It is a year which is important to me, as is symbolic by the passing of the legal adult age. I learn, i experience and then i think. For better or worse, I don't know. I hope it is the former. A lot of things happen in 2005. But things are still mundane. They come and go. But what they cause in me is a permanent change. And only that is important. The end justify the means, ya?

On a lighter note, 2005, if u look at it in a calculator, is exactly a mirror image. To those mathematically inclined students, it means it has one axis of symmetry.